Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
