you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
