I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
