I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
