The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
you never un-have a 4some
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
