Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
