I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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