I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
