Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
