i just sent this text using only my big toe
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
