his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
