we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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