I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
