Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
