Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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