cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
