please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
