I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
