I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
