it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
