So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
