Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
