Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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