I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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