You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Best friends brother. Beat that.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
