a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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