i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
