I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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