He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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