ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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