it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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