woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
