So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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