she was so not down for the gang bang
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
