I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
