I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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