Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
