Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
