i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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