Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
