Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
