Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
