my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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