That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
