i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
