Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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