your thong is hanging out like whoa
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
