My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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