I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
