He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
