So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
