Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
he's single and there are thong briefs.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
