You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
