just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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