hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
