connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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